I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
