Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
