I'm jealous of your bromance
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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