You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
