no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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