cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize