And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
