I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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