I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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