I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
