How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
