I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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