I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
