He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
third nipple confirmed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
