plz talk dirty to me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
