hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
