my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to cum in my sink.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
