I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
