I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
