She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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