How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
