Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
