at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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