i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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