I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
