Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
