do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize