Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
