just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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