They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
