i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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