since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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