dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
