I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
