evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
