dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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