If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
