glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
