I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
