All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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