he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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