Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
