I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My feet surprised me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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