well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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