So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
