Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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