Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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