Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
