He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
