Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
