The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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