Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
