Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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