Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
