'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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