I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
