If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
