I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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