I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I've blown a few things in my day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
