My first STD was from a foam party
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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