I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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