He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
