dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we made out on top of his cat.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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